So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize