he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
