I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize