I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
