so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
