I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
