Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
