would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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