The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
