So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
