i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
