I need help removing her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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