The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
