It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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