i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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