Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
