booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
