so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
