Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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