she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize