PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
