I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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