Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
