They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
