Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
