I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
