Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
