I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
