shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
