Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
