I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
