Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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