now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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