I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
