What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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