The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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