I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
