I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am one with the molecules
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
