Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
