haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize