I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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