Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize