no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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