I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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