This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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