I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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