i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
