Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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