He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
