dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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