He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
