Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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