You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
