He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He better not be in your backpack
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
