she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
