Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im six kinds of drunk right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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