Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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