you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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