im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
