kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
