just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
