just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
