id be glad to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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