No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize