I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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